See, I've been going through a lot lately, (much of it involving health) and unfortunately it's begun to affect my faith. I hadn't thought about it a whole lot for a while, but these days... I feel like I want to reach out to it, but at the same time I'm not... sure there's something to reach out to?
My belief has generally been that there's something out there so grand and beyond the scope of anything we know that our minds can't really grasp it. Much the same way that an ant can't grasp that it's walking on the toe of a big ol' human, or something. It's just that big. But because that doesn't sit well with people, different cultures and groups gave this being different names, and applied different faces, aspects, and even personalities onto it.
It's kind of like looking at a gemstone. It has many different sides or faces, but it's all the same stone.
The problem with this is, it leaves my at a very odd place. Because it means that I don't know if prayers or rituals or anything really have any kind of effect. And in turn, if things like magic have any effect (magik? magick?).
I want to believe it can. I want to believe one can manipulate their aura, meditate, or possibly even astral project. Send out positive or healing energies through prayer or 'spells' or such. Ground themselves, etc.
But then, my scientific side says there's no proof of any such thing and any perceived effects are purely caused by the human mind being more that capable and willing to trick itself and makes us feel/see what we want.
But... if it makes me feel steadier, safer, more at peace to do these things, is it bad? Am I just lying to myself? Blinding myself? That's no good...
And what if it is real? Even to a small degree? Does that help me? hurt me? am I depriving myself of something by turning away from it? Blinding myself with extreme logic?
I don't know @_@
((cross-posted pretty much all over the place. Sorry if you see it a lot))